The 10 Types of Wine Drinkers CARTOONS!
Everyone has their own particular style. Below are the ten most common types of wine drinkers. Which one are you?
Just say ‘No’ to screw caps
The Luddite is unblushing in their love for the old way. Things like screwcaps, wine-in-a-box and fancy plastic aerators make The Luddite shiver in their boots. They can be found wandering down the French, Italian or Spanish wine aisle in search of terroir. They love real books with real pages. Places like Argentina or Napa Valley are far too young –even at 150 years– to earn The Luddite’s approval.
We make wine here too!
This wine lover has serious pride for their local juice. If you bring something over that’s not from their region, they’ll look at it like it’s rotten. Evangelism like this is essential for newer wine regions, such as Virginia, to grow and gain attention. Blinded by their own convictions, The Local often misses out on what the rest of the wine world has to offer.
Smart enough to be dangerous..
The Cynic will never really sit back and enjoy a glass of wine because they are too busy hyper-criticizing it. It’s not uncommon for The Cynic to constantly disregard what they’re drinking and bring up other vintages, regions and wines they prefer. The Cynic is usually very knowledgeable and good at picking out wine faults, acidity, alcohol level and tannin structure. Unfortunately The Cynic is never satisfied.
Do you get petrol?
The Analyzer always seems to have their eyes closed and their noses stuck in a glass. They murmur to themselves, blurting out aromas and tastes as they find them. Off the wall flavors like “Pickle Juice,” “Hot Dog,” and “Chew Toy” are not uncommon. This type of wine drinker is fun for exploratory purposes, but sometimes can get a little too nuanced and sour a good time.
The Tried and True
Pinot Grigio please!
You’ll sit across this type of wine drinker at a restaurant and notice they’ll never even glance at the wine list before ordering. When they order they ask for a common varietal, without any acknowledgement of style or region. They could love other varietals and styles of wine but are lazy and unadventurous. When The Tried-and-True can’t order what they want, their fragile world crumbles. “What do you mean you don’t have Chardonnay?!”
Let’s get another bottle!
The Lush is a lot of fun because of their enthusiasm to want to drink with you. This type of wine drinker is the polar opposite of The Analyzer because they are too busy swallowing to actually taste their wine. Watch out, they are charmers!
Hoarder?! You mean Collector.
If you had to buy a larger wine cooler to replace the one you had, you might be a Hoarder. This type of wine drinker is great to have as a friend because they always have something around –as long as they’re willing to share. The Hoarder goes through seasonal wine shopping sprees where they buy wine by the case. Believe it or not, some Hoarders have so much wine they won’t be able to drink it all in their lifetime.
How about we pop a bottle, or two, or nine.
You may have been introduced to a great wine by this type of wine drinker. The Pusher is a generous type who opts to share their wine with anyone just because they’re enthusiastic about it. They also love to get people drunk. Because of this, they tend to be a little heavy-handed and forget that it’s a weeknight. On the plus side, you’ll find they that their exuberant character will get you to delve into new wines all the time.
AKA The Name Dropper
We’ve all had the experience where we stand quietly and nod while someone rattles off a list of expensive shit they’ve done. A Wine Snob uses this form of one-upmanship to name-drop wineries where they’ve had some sort of first class experience. They may not even know that much about wine, but they’re more than happy to shove their insight into your face. When they walk away you’ll silently remind yourself never to talk to that person again.